Sunday, August 10, 2014

I've procrastinated too long

In regards to writing this post, that is.  I think my procrastination is entirely due to the fact that I have been afraid to write this post and working up the nerve to post it.  I have mentioned that my weight has been going up recently and it has been a constant source of frustration for me.  According to MyFitnessPal after my latest weigh-in, I've lost 37 lbs., which is nothing to sneeze at.  However, at one point, I was down nearly 60 lbs., so it is a little discouraging to see where I am now.  It is entirely due to my lack of working out and poor eating habits, so I just need to get back on track and I feel like I'm headed in the right direction, but more on that soon.

As part of my process of getting on track, I have decided to not focus on the scale at all.  With the exception of my monthly weigh-in at the gym, I am not going to weigh myself and am instead going to focus on getting stronger, healthier, and eating better.  I have been a slave to the scale for far too long and it is so demoralizing and draining.  My weight fluctuates so much on a daily basis and it is way too easy to get discouraged by those fluctuations.  Am I frustrated by my weight gain?  Hell yes.  Am I going to continue to let it bring me down, essentially letting it define me?  Absolutely not.  I am more than a number on a scale; we all are.  My weight does not define me.  It does not dictate my ability to be a good wife, mother, daughter, or friend.  It was hard as hell to write this post, but I started this blog to hold myself accountable and to share my journey, including the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I went to the gym last Saturday for my consultation with one of the trainers and as part of the session, I weighed in and had my measurements taken.  I talked for awhile with the trainer about my unhealthy habit of weighing myself so frequently and it was good to talk through those issues.  I was surprised to find that my weight at the gym was quite a bit less than my scale at home.  When I weighed in at home last Saturday, the scale said 249.2 and the scale at the gym said 236.5.  I don't think I have to tell you which number I preferred.  I asked the trainer about the discrepancy and he was just as perplexed as I was.

I am proud to say that I have not weighed myself since the weigh in at the gym last Saturday, which is a huge accomplishment for me.  I will not be weighing in again until my next assessment at the gym on August 30th.  Instead, I have been working out regularly and trying to eat better (still a work in progress if I'm being honest).

After my session at the gym last Saturday morning, I rode the recumbent bike for an hour and watched a few episodes of Extreme Couponing on TLC.  Much as I like to think that I could ride the bike all day, towards the end, my tush was a little irritated with me.  Monday night I did 35 minutes on the elliptical and Thursday night I did 35 minutes on the recumbent bike.  I'm enjoying the gym and particularly, a little bit of time to catch up on some shows on TLC and HGTV!

When we received our Napa swag a few weeks ago, my teammates and I had a great discussion about body image and it just re-confirmed my love for these women.  I think I may have been the first one to make a comment about needing to work on my planks and crunches to eliminate the "muffin top" I had going on when I tried on our team t-shirt, but I was soon reminded of the fact that we all come in different shapes and sizes and we are all badass, beautiful strong women!  I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again (and probably many more times), I am very thankful to be a part of such a great group of women.  The support and encouragement that they provide is invaluable!

I'll end tonight with my teammate Melissa's comment from that discussion about body image a few weeks ago because she was spot on and I find myself repeating her wise words on a regular basis.  Thank you, Melissa!!

"Scales have a number. Same with your shoe size. Also your age. Your phone number.  A bunch of numbers. That's all they are. They are NOT WHO you are. You are a BAMR."