Friday, April 18, 2014

Swallowing my pride

I admit, I have been putting off writing this particular blog post for quite a few days, but it is time to rip off the Band Aid.  I started this blog to hold myself accountable for my weight loss journey and to share an honest story of my journey, including the good and the bad.  The MyFitnessPal progress bar on the right side of my blog formerly read 58 lbs lost. It now reads 47 lbs lost and that is really frustrating for me.  That would be 11 lbs gained back, bringing my current weight to 239.  Truth be told, at one point in November, I was down to 221 (I think I only saw this number one day), so in my mind, I've actually gained 18 lbs.  I'll be honest, I'm pissed.  At no one other than myself to be clear.  I should also point out that this did not happen overnight, I just have not been using MyFitnessPal at all so my progress hasn't been updated in months.

I've spent the past four month focusing on my half training and my dad's illness and subsequent passing rather than my weight loss, which was the right thing to do for me.  I realize that some weight gain was inevitable due to training, but I'm not thrilled with where I am at the moment.  Yes, it was the right thing to spend my time and energy focusing on my training, but it was not the right thing to revert back to my former eating habits due to the fact that "I was running" and therefore could eat everything under the sun.

I've also been stress eating/grief eating.  The first few days after my dad died, I experienced a drastic loss of appetite.  I didn't want to eat, I wasn't hungry, I only ate because I should (and mainly because Matt told me to) and nothing tasted good at all.  Within a few days, though, I was using food to cope with all of my feelings as I grieved.  Peanut Buster Parfaits from DQ became a particularly soothing treat.  Stress and emotional eating has always been a struggle for me and for me to be successful in my weight loss (and eventual maintenance) I have got to find other ways to cope with stress and my emotions.

I decided that after my half, I was going to get back into my zone and work to get down to my goal weight (definitely under 200, but ideally 180), so here we are.  My mom and I decided to challenge each other with a little friendly competition and wager; whoever loses the most weight by July 3rd wins $50 from the other one.  I love a little competition and so does my mom, so I hope this will be good motivation for us.  When I weighed in for our first weigh-in on April 7, I was 239.6 and last Monday, I was 238.7, so almost down a full pound.  This morning, I was 239, but I will check again on Monday for my weekly weigh-in.  (Mom, I think you are winning. Go, Mom!)

As I eluded to a few posts back, I have been mulling over a new birthday challenge for this year and since my birthday is 4 months from today, it seems like a good time to share.  My 32nd birthday is on August 18th and I'd like to lose 32 lbs by then, which equates to 8 lbs per month or 2 lbs per week.  I like to call it the 32 by 32 Challenge.  It isn't going to be easy, but neither was my birthday challenge last year.  I really need to do something to get my rear in gear and I hope the challenge with my mom in conjunction with my birthday challenge will give me the push I need.

I think subconsciously I have been stalling with this post because I knew I would get serious about the challenge and losing weight once I put it out there in cyberspace.  One of the things I love most about my blog is the accountability that it provides me when I write my goals and share them with others.  So there it is!

As I work towards my weight loss goals, I plan to:
  1. Continue to drink more water, particularly when I feel I am hungry between meals. 
  2. Resume tracking my meals and activity with MyFitnessPal (food tracking always been one of the biggest keys to success for me)  (Also, if you are using MyFitnessPal, feel free to friend me.  I'm Smyli57) 
  3. Resume running 3-4 times a week (including one long run) to keep base level so that when I start training for my fall half, I am not starting from square one. 
  4. Incorporate some type of cross-training 2 times a week 
  5. Be more mindful of the food I am eating
This was definitely not an easy post to share, but I need to get back in line and I knew sharing this would help me do just that.  

"I cannot change yesterday but I can change today."